I'm confused and scared. Not knowing is the hardest part. I want to move forward, but have no idea where to direct my step. I remain stagnant and stalled out. Time won't stop for me. Won't allow me to wait this out without taking it's toll.

He is sick. I know this. Will he get better? The question ever on my mind. To live in the pain he does, unacceptable. He must recover. To live with him without recovery, unacceptable too. I am stuck. Unknowing. Unwilling to walk away from my life, best friend and beloved while there is still hope. Time ticks on. Sometimes hope fades, allowing for the possibility of release. Will I be a phoenix? Sometimes hope grows, bring memories of happiness and dreams. A life built together. A partnership. A partnership hope is possible. Only hope.

Hope is cruel to me today.