I didn't want to tell anyone,
but then she asked me at point blank,
so, I did.

Tears sting my cheeks.
Shame spinning around me,
Admitting I failed,
Failed at the one thing that was most important to me,
The thing I fought for everyday,
but he never did.

And why did I defend him,
Rationalize and downplay?
No big deal because I'm strong (illusion),
and I don't want anyone to think poorly again.

In that shame I remember,
Why,
Why this all came about,
That moment when I realized,
That the chose between,
Being alone for the rest of my,
and being with who he had become,
Was suddenly easy,
 Simple....alone.

I think I had forgotten all that,
Because I had allowed myself to feel hope again.
I still feel hope.
Which is why I didn't want to tell her,
but she asked.